She once entered a beauty contest. They fined her a hundred dollars.
有一次她参加选美，结果被罚款一百元。
She once tried to give a drowning man mouth-to-mouth, and he refused.
有一次，她想为一位溺水的男士做人工呼吸，他死活不肯。
He only kisses his wife when he has run out of napkin.
他只有在餐巾纸用完时才会亲吻老婆。
New Orleans is the only city in the world you go in to buy a pair of nylon stockings they want to know your head size.
全世界只有在新奥尔良市， 你去买尼龙长袜子，他们要知道你脑袋的尺寸。
2. （韩非子）以子之矛攻子之盾（矛盾法）（paradox）
Teenagers want to be different, so they all dress alike.
青少年想标新立异，所以穿的都如出一辙。
In show business, it can take decades to become an overnight success.
在影视圈里，有时要熬几十年才一夜成名。
Don’t be humble. You are not that great.
别谦虚了。你还没那么伟大呢！
We actually enjoy sufferable suffering. We willingly tolerate acceptable anguish. We love tolerable tribulation, Allowable annoyance and OK ordeal, Permissible pain.
其实，我们很受用熬得过去的煎熬，心甘情愿地忍受可以接受的痛苦，喜欢忍得过去的忧患，可以原谅的骚扰，说得过去的磨难和不太过份的痛楚。
3. （秋浦歌 唐.李白）白发三千丈，缘愁似个长（夸张法）(hyperbole)
Crime is growing. When you call local cops, there is a three-week waiting list.
罪案日增。报警后需要三周的轮候期。
When he donates blood, there’s so much alcohol in it. The Red Cross uses it to sterilize the instruments.
他去献血，可里面酒精浓度过高，红十字会拿来作医疗器械消毒。
A woman filed for divorce so fast, she got custody of the wedding cake.
有位女人离婚速度忒快，居然拿到结婚蛋糕的监护权。
There are so much nudity in films this year that the Oscar for Best Costume Design will probably go to a dermatologist
今年的电影里充斥着太多的裸露镜头，奥斯卡最佳服装奖可能会颁发给一位皮肤专科医生。
4. （乐府 木兰辞）同行十二年，不知木兰是女郎（意外法）(surprise ending)
He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kid there.
报上说，在印度每年花十美元就可养育一个儿童。他看到后，马上把自己的孩子送过去。
The secret to stay young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.永葆青春的秘密就是，堂堂正正做人，慢吞细咽吃饭，胡编乱造岁数。
I read so much about bad effect of smoking. I’ve decided to give up reading.
我读过太多抽烟的不良后果，所以决定戒读了。
They say she married him because his father left him a fortune. That’s a lie. She would have married him no matter who left him a fortune.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
如果你有两次被吓个半死，结局会是如何？
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
如果你一心求败并成功了。那你究竟是成是败？
We must believe in luck; for how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like?
我们一定要相信有运气这回事。否则我们不喜欢的人成功了，该怎么解释？
I don’t understand you. You don’t understand me. What else do we have in common?
我不了解你，你不了解我。除此以外我们还有什么共同点？
6. （唐 王勃 滕王阁序）落霞与孤鹜齐飞，秋水共长天一色（排比法）：(antithesis)
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
成功的男人挣的钱老婆花不完；成功的女人就是找个这样的男人。
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
女人指望婚后的男人会变，他偏偏不变。男人指望婚后的女人不变，她偏偏就变。
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
女人有了丈夫就前途无忧；男人有了老婆才为前途担忧。
Statistics prove that marriage is a preventive of suicide. Yes. And statistics also prove that suicide is a preventive of marriage.
有数据为证：婚姻可以避免自杀。不错。可也有数据为证：自杀可避免婚姻。
Compared to L.A air, secondhand smoke is like aromatherapy.
与洛杉矶的空气相比，二手烟简直就像香薰疗法。
In the elaborate wardrobe of human emotions, guilt is the itchy wool turtleneck that is three size too small.
在人类情感的衣柜里，愧疚感就是那件小了三号的羊毛套头衫，令人发痒。
He has the power of concentration of a Buckingham Palace guard.
他有着白金汉宫门卫那种集中注意力。
To some men marriage is a bit like being in a restaurant. You get exactly what you asked for------but as soon as you see what the fellow on the next table has got you wish you had ordered that instead.
对有的男人来说，结婚就有点像上馆子。你点了你想要的菜，可你一看到邻座点的菜，你恨不得你刚才应该点这一道。
8. （宋 王观 卜算子）水是眼波横，山是眉峰聚（定义法）(definition)
Dancing: The art of pulling your feet away faster than your partner can step on them.
舞蹈：你的舞伴还没踩着你，你的脚先抽回来的艺术。
An optimist is someone who’d go into a restaurant flat broke, order oysters, and expect to pay his bill with the pearls he’ll find inside.
乐观主义者， 就是身无分文还敢到餐馆里叫生蚝，指望在里面找到一颗珍珠足够支付这顿餐费的人。
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife that she looks stout in a mink coat.
外交官，就是能让老婆相信那件貂皮大衣会令她显得臃肿的那种人。
Middle age is when a woman’s hair starts turning from grey to black.
人到中年，就是女人的头发开始从灰白转黑的时光。
9. 欲把西湖比西子，浓涂淡抹总相宜（拟人法）(personification)
The United States is the birthplace of cool. If the world is a high school, America would be making out in study hall with Sweden, picking on India, and smoking in the UN restroom with France.
美国是酷的发源地。如果世界是一所中学，那么美国肯定会和瑞典在自习室里亲热，欺负印度，和法国躲在联合国厕所里抽烟。
I’ve always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the study dependability of nouns and the capricious whimsy of verbs, the strutting pageantry of the adjectives and the fitting evanescence of the adverbs.
我历来喜欢辅音和元音眉来眼去地跳探戈； 喜欢名词众望所归和动词的心血来潮；喜欢形容词的摇曳生姿；喜欢副词的来去无踪。
The same hormones that are wracking the body with severe changes send signals to the teeth and order them to rebel, so that as they come in they are as disorganized and angry as a teenager’s bedroom. Braces, the most expensive metal on earth, must be inserted into the mouth to squelch the rebellion.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
情人眼里出西施。
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. The trouble is, so is the ugliness.
情人眼里出西施。问题是，仇人眼里出东施。
Pen is sharper than sword.
笔比剑利。
Pen is dirtier than sword.
笔比剑脏。
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
早起早睡身体好，钱包满。
Early to bed and early to rise till you make enough cash to do otherwise.
早起早睡，钱包满了就晚睡晚起。
Behind every successful man stands a woman.
成功的男人背后都有一个女人。
Behind every successful woman stands a basket of dirty laundry.
成功的女人背后都有一筐脏衣服。
